Thursday, April 2, 2015

An update

A photo from this morning. Will you still love me if I am makeup-less and sleepy-eyed?

I just wanted to stop by with a quick update on how things are going, and to say thank you so much for all of your kind words and support after my last post. I'm so touched by how many people reached out to me, and can't even really begin to tell you how much it has meant. Your comments, cards, emails and phone calls have really lifted my spirits tremendously. For you to tell me that my post made you feel like you weren't alone, made me feel like I'm not alone.

It has been a couple of weeks and in most regards, things are a looking up. I'm still not sleeping well, and still completely exhausted most of the time (I have to take naps most afternoons now), but my doctors have done some tests, and it looks like we've found a diagnosis and a treatment that's going to help me get some rest and some energy. Fingers crossed!

My mood has been improving too. As you can imagine, being this tired all of the time doesn't exactly keep me brimming with chipperness, but I have felt less sad and down on myself in the past week or so. Part of it, I think, has been being able to discuss how I'm feeling with with my husband and a few close friends (talking it out always helps) and coming up with a few survival strategies. It's actually basically variations on the same strategy over and over again and them one other thing. Want to hear?

  1. Let things go a little. It makes me laugh a little to write this because I feel like our home is in constant chaos, but it seems I am a bit of a perfectionist. I stress about what and when the kids eat, getting Espen to school on time, whether or not we have meals planned and shopped for for the week, if the floors are clean, if the dishes are done, you name it, I have stressed out about it.  And if we are late for school, or the dishes haven't been done for a day (or two!) or Nick comes home and there is no plan for dinner, I feel guilty. And a little bit like a failure. So I'm trying to learn that it's not a huge deal if we grab dinner at Chick-fil-A one night. Or if there are crumbs on the floor or Gwen's bangs go one more day without being trimmed. This is a hard thing for me to learn, but I think it's kind of a necessary one. 
  2. Similarly, if I'm having the kind of day where I just feel sad and overwhelmed, I can take some time off to do something that I want to do, like take Gwen to the park instead of going grocery shopping while Espen is at school. Or I could spend Gwen's nap doing an art project with Espen or reading a book or chatting with a friend. Or writing a blog post, which is what I'm doing right now. If it makes me feel happier, I should do it. 
  3. Make a little time for me. It never fails to baffle me as a stay-at-home mother of two small children, just how little time there is in the day for everything that needs to be done. It seems like I should have all the time in the world to run a spotless home, cook organic meals from scratch, have a 24 inch waist and write a novel. But between meals and school runs and grocery shopping and laundry alone, the 12 hours that the kids are awake in a day are pretty much spoken for. And beyond a shower and the occasional trip to the bathroom, there is very little time for me to do any of the things that I might like to do. Unless I start making it a priority to create a little time for myself each day to do the things that I enjoy like reading, writing, creating, taking pictures, gardening, going for walks, visiting museums and galleries, spending time with friends and all that jazz. If I could just squeeze in half an hour or so each day (like I am doing right now with this blog post) to pursue my own interests instead of everyone else's, that would go a long way, I think. 
Anyway, I am hopeful that between these things and getting some good sleep soon, I'll be back to normal before too long. Until then, posts will probably still be a bit on the sporadic side, although I have got a bazillion things I want to share with you. I still want to try to be real about how I'm doing, but I also want to get back to my regular brand of blog posts, whatever that may be. 

Thanks for reading, thanks for caring. Lots of love!


  1. Augh, I love reading all your posts! You could do one each day and I'd still want more. :)
    One of the things that have surprised me most about being a mom is how ESSENTIAL sleep is for me. If I don't get enough, for even one night, I'm not a happy mama. I can't imagine going for weeks (months?) like you have - no wonder you've been having a hard time! I'm so glad you've gotten some things figured out.
    Also, I'm impressed that you are doing an iPad fast for those cute kiddos.
    That is all.

  2. one step at a are doing all the right things.